The Post Where She Tries Desperately Not To Lose It.

I thought my days of hormonal swings were past but apparently not...everything seems difficult and annoying in a familiar sort of way. Myself most of all. I'm feeling like a complete failure as a mother (no patience at all), my house looks like a hurricane hit it (probably no different than it ever is) and I've definitely gained ten pounds (not.)

WHAT'S UP??

Failsafe solution that always helps a little in DIRE situations like this...a quick list of things that have gone right. (Sort of a cousin to my habit of writing things down on my to do list after I've done them just so I can cross them off. Yeah, I know, you don't need to say it.)

Harvested the basil and made pesto, now nicely stacked in my (cleaned out today) freezer.

Planted new basil and trimmed back the yard. Hosed it all down and it looked fresh and clean for a few minutes anyway.

Grocery shopped and planned the week's meals. Made bruschetta with Mom's tomatoes and my basil and oregano, along with garlic green beans for dinner. Definitely got the freezer cleaned out. Let's not think about the garbage can full of rotting, wasted food...yeah, definitely need to move past that thought.

Had a date night with Ron last night while Chloe had fun at a slumber party birthday. Nice last minute surprise. Macaroni Grill, with a coupon and a gift card (score!); got a cute pair of shoes at TJ Maxx; watched Arbitrage on our big TV. Cheaper than a movie and no annoying people slurping soda and chewing popcorn way too loudly. No movie theatre chili dog smells or cel phone conversations. All good. 

Does watching the first seven episodes of the first year of Homeland count as an accomplishment? I think it does today.

Took a walk with Therese; took Chloe to my Mom's for a few minutes to visit and do gymnastics moves on the trampoline. Got Chloe's hair washed, conditioned, combed out and braided. Did the laundry and PUT IT AWAY. Bought Mom a birthday gift and cards. Refrained from yelling at either my daughter or my husband today although I did have my moments of rather bitchy impatience when Chloe hurt her foot (on her shoe???) on the way home from Mom's. Only a few moments though, so that counts as a definite accomplishment.

Sat in my gazebo and read a book. Had lunch at Dos Coyotes and read the News and Review. Spent very little time on FB (literally, two minutes) for the whole weekend.  Bought a new toenail clipper. Hey, I'm grasping at straws here.

Mostly, I've kept my wits about me by hanging on with my fingernails. I'm here, in my jammies, face washed, kid bathed, taking a few minutes to write, finally. Trying not to beat myself up for not living up to my own expectations. Trying to just be in the moment and have it be enough. Because this is it, this moment, this day, this weekend, this life. This is it.