Gracie Girl

Today was a tough day. Our Gracie got diagnosed with a mass on her heart that isn't fixable. She's home and sleeping on my bed after eating dinner. She seems much better after yesterday's procedure to drain the fluid but it's a temporary fix. We don't know how long she'll be well; the cardiologist said that it could be tomorrow and it could be fifteen days from now. Mostly, we are just going to love her and enjoy whatever time we do have.

She was totally happy and fine until suddenly she wasn't. And that's how it always is, right? An ordinary day. And then the phone call. Or the diagnosis. Or the accident. The line in the sand...step right over and everything is changed. This feels like practice for the bigger ones that are coming in the future. Parents. Friends. Getting older means many things, growth and peace and a wonderful life where you finally have figured out who you are and what is most important, but it also surely means loss.

Right now I am thankful that she is home, in bed with me again, and resting comfortably. Lots of tears from me and from Chloe. Very nice people at the referral veterinary center; compassionate and kind. Very sweet to me and to Gracie. The line in the sand is there. We've crossed over. But I can still see back to the other side, and I can still ignore it for a bit longer and just be in the moment. Which is all we ever have anyway. We love you Gracie girl. We love you bunches and bunches.

Everything To Me

Ten years ago I was very, very pregnant and counting the days until Chloe arrived. So much growth, laughter, tears, love. So many snuggles and hugs.

Here I am the mom of an almost ten year old who is nearly five feet tall, with a waterfall tangle of brown waves, long long legs, a goofy grin, adorable freckles across her nose. A girl full of songs and dances and exuberance. A girl whose emotions are always close to the surface, who loves hard, who cries hard, who feels this life fully.

The baby who grew under my heart is now a completely different creature. And, oh, I love her so. More than that beautiful newborn, that impish toddler, that cutie pie five year old. She is more and more herself each year and that is everything to me.

Happy Mother's Day!