Be Chandra

Chloe went running off to a sleepover tonight, bag in hand, with barely a goodbye. So happy to be with her friends. She lives for her social life...revels in it all. So often now she is either at one of their houses, or one of the girls is here. She still loves to snuggle but otherwise she's on her computer looking up her newest doll collection craze or playing on Fantage. Or she'll play with her Monster High dolls or watch something on TV. Ron will play a board game with her, or I'll hang out and chat but her peaks in life are elsewhere. Which is normal I know; I remember good times with my Mom as a kid but my favorite times were definitely with friends. It's just been such a sudden change having this free time. Nice in so many ways but also a bit disconcerting. Especially with just losing Gracie. A very clear vision of time passing.

Ron and I had a nice dinner at Paesanos. I've been eating super healthy and low cal trying to get a few pounds off again and was starving for a burger. And a yummy one it was. Pretty on the plate too with the orange cheddar and the dark green baby lettuce and slices of red roma tomato. And french fry strings, a little glisteny with oil and studded with salt crystals. Big glass of iced tea. Shade. So worth the calories.

After, we got a few things at the Grocery Outlet and I walked over to the sports store and got a swim shirt for Chloe's camp next week. Had a personal trainer appointment at the gym and learned some basic machines to use and then walked home. Felt so good to feel healthy and alive, to have worked out, to be walking outside. And then I saw a full grown beaver sitting on the island in the lake, easily as big as a labrador (but with shorter legs!) and watched him slide back into the water. Geese and ducks and their babies all around. A small white heron shaking out it's feathers. Tonight's gift. There is always a gift from nature on my walks. So lucky to live near our creek and lake.

Came home and took a hot bath and had a talk with Ron about our rather simple life, feeling a bit deficient somehow. And he was really good about it and said, you just have to accept who you are. And it's true. Just be Chandra. The woman who likes being alone; who's very happy walking home from the gym on a cool summer evening; who enjoys reading Nat The Fat Rat's blog and perusing Facebook a bit. Who is glad to type up a little something here with Kayla snoring on the ottoman. Who looks forward to a leisurely morning and then a productive day at work. Appreciative of a cute outfit and a good hair day and a good month's billing and a clean family room. Stop scolding myself for not being more social or more romantic or more of an enthusiastic parent or one of many other things I'm not. Just be Chandra. Because she's really pretty damn fine.